A River Runs Through It

Flow is a feeling I crave now. I know what its like to have it. And I know what its like not to. I became conscious of the flow of energy when I stumbled upon the great yoga scene in my days in LA. A line 100 deep of people clad in stretch pants holding rolled up mats would be lined up to get into a good instructors class. Casually mention the word yoga to someone in the City of Angels and they will gladly give you the low down on the hot new instructor that inevitably has a name like "Shanti" or "Shiva". Then I, always intrigued by the edgy, would find myself in that very line wrapped around a cozy brick studio in the posh Santa Monica or the artsy Venice Beach. It was in those candle lit rooms, the sound of sweat dripping like rain onto mats all around me, body contorted into positions with some beautifully obsolete Sanscrit name, breath matching my movements, and mind calmed that the flow began. The sultry Earth energy flows up through your body meeting the airy energy from the Heavens breaking free all the blocks in your body. Your own energy begins to swirl and flow as it was meant to. Free, if only for an hour, from the self limitations we place on ourselves. Divine messages, creative ideas, a sense of purpose infiltrate your body. The trick now, is to take that feeling off the mat and into the world; easier said than done. Needless to say, I was back the next week, and the next. Along with all the other soul seekers addicted to Vinyasa Flow.

I took that newfound flow and my ability to tap into it for granted until one day, heavy with child, I realized nothing was flowing in or out of me. All my life's energy was trapped, swirling around in my belly, sustaining my daughter's life. Its necessary state, but definitely not sought after. Grounded firmly with Mother Earth, I was completely unable to let my spirit soar with the winged ones. I was only allowed to take one breath a time. One day at a time. And in the end, one hour at a time. I craved flow.

There have been many times, looking back in my life, I've stood in my own way. Damming up my own flowing river. I've fought the Universe. Fought God. Overstayed my visa making once familiar lands suddenly foreign. A dam can be a powerful thing, creating enough energy to light up entire cities. But then again, if your needing to light something up, you must be in a very dark place. I certainly have been in those dark places. Til the levee broke.

My life now is full of abundance. One thing about the absence of flow, is the furry of its return. When you allow and embrace the flow of energy back into your life it takes all forms. Debt is erased. Pockets are full. Bellies are satiated. Hearts full of love and breasts full of milk. Wombs flow in anticipation of new life. Inner peace reminiscent of a Buddhist teaching permeates your being. The elusive intangibles Joy, Wisdom and Compassion show up on your doorstep. It will inevitably someday ebb but for now I'm riding the current in search of my own oceanic panacea.